Two weeks from now I will be back at work. While I’m definitely excited to get out of the house and have some adult interaction, as well as having some non-domestic work to keep me busy during the day, I’m for sure going to miss my little boy. I’ve always known that being a stay-at-home mom wasn’t for me. I do think if the opportunity presented itself, I would try it and probably be darn good at it. As it stands now though, it’s not an option for me and I think it’s for the best. I think these past few weeks have shown me that if I commit myself to something totally, whether it is motherhood or a job outside the home, if that is my focus, I will succeed because it matters to me. I also think that going back to work will make me appreciate more the time I do get with him. It will just feel that much more special to me when I get home and we do things on the weekends. So, I will cherish these last 14 days of 100% devotion to my little one. I can’t take one second for granted.
I was typing an email to a friend the other night when some profound thoughts and feelings started to flow so I decided to share them 🙂
All I know is, being a parent is simultaneously the most difficult and rewarding job ever. It doesn’t matter what he does or how frustrated I get, I just love him so darn much. How can I ever look at that face and want anything different from the world? Will keeps telling me how in awe he is at how I’ve taken to mothering. That makes me feel good but I guess I didn’t doubt myself much on that front. I know I don’t come from the most nurturing parents but my mom was a good one, and the older I get, the more I appreciate our relationship and let some of the little resentments go. I think back to her reading to me and with me growing up, and that is something so simple like that I look forward to with him. I guess the fact that I’m not very emotional, I’m super impatient, and I’m not really a kid person had him worried. It’s different when it’s your kid. When you’ve carried a person around in your body for nine months, there is a bond that doesn’t make sense and doesn’t have to. I think it’s the only true love at first sight. In addition to that bond, I can’t ever stop thinking how lucky we were. I never thought it would just happen for us. I look at people I know and celebrities going through fertility problems, treatments, and adoption and thinking that for so long that would be my life or my only chance. So when I look at him I feel like no matter the circumstances (unplanned or whatever), he is my little miracle. Then I think of all the things that could have gone wrong because of my diabetes and how he is so healthy and I have to be thankful for that. It’s just too much for me sometimes how lucky we all have been. His name is just too fitting; he’s my little angel. ❤
It’s been five and half week since my little boy got here. I get a lot of questions but my favorite by far is, “are you having fun?” To this I say, there is nothing fun about crying, poopy diapers, spit up, sleep deprivation, and just generally trying to get a new little person that has no way to communicate with you other than screaming for every need and want. But I also say that I wouldn’t trade it or him for the world. ❤