Heavy


I haven’t blogged in a while but the recent events in the national news are weighing heavy on my heart. 

The divide that is growing in our country is turning violent. Our love, need, demand for guns combined with our divisive dialog is a recipe for disaster. I wonder if we are just doomed to repeat our past mistakes regarding race. Is it possible we are moving backward? 

A few book club reads ago, I chose Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. This book sent me on a roller coaster ride. I learned so much in the beginning about the black male growing up in a urban area. The lessons they learn, the disconnect from so many things we view as “standard” in America. In that middle,  I felt sad and hopeless for the future. In the end, I became resolved to remain positive while still living my life in a way that would allow me to impart wisdom to my son. 

That is what so much of this is about. My feelings, my hopes, my dread, my empowerment. I need this for my son; the black male (let me check you right now if you think that his mixed background will exempt him from the label) I have to send out into the world one day. The world that, for now, views him as a cute kid, but one day he will become one of the “others,” “they,” “dangerous.” 

I need to have something to hold on to. I have been so lucky, so privileged in this life to have navigated this world with my body in tact. So many others have not and will not. These mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. They are being taken away from their families and robbed of their days on earth. Who has the right to do that to another person? To deprive children of their father? My heart cannot bear the weight of so much tribulation. 

Resisting or not, I do not deserve to lose my life. Period. 

For now, it is open season. As long as those committing these atrocities see no consequences to their actions; are rewarded and supported for their actions, we lose. In so many ways, we already have. It is not just we the black people who lose. Everyone does. Just as some have decided your sexual orientation or gender expression is not acceptable, so to goes any group when they are subordinate. When the dominant group views you as undesirable, the open season begins. 

More violence will not bring back these loved ones. Or solve the institutional problems that plague our country. Only true love and deep understanding can heal. 

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