Mama Rant

I feel like I tend to stay pretty positive on this blog. That’s me talking like I post all that often…yeah, so there’s that. But when I do post I try to stay honest, and for the most part grateful.

The truth is, I am extremely grateful. Probably the thing I am most grateful for is a happy and (mostly) healthy child. On the whole, he gets sick much less that most kids, I believe. One of the perks of staying home. He’s battling bronchitis and some tummy issues these days, so it is not all sunshine and roses.

But I know that I have a lot. Namely, I know that without medical interventions, my child and I might not be here.

Recently, I read a post on a Facebook page that triggered something in me. It is something that I feel often but that I try let go because I know that is is a losing battle in many ways. The truth is that is shame.

Gabriel was born via c-section and if you are familiar with the “mommy wars” you will know that one of the Cardinal sins you cannot commit is delivering your baby via c-section.

What this post triggered is the thought that those who delivered vaginally…normally…properly…were superior. And that all women that have c-sections have the option. It is some elective surgery that we cruise into the hospital for and breeze through. So much nonsense.

I often scroll past these mommy war posts. Not giving them the time of day or the power. But because I clicked, and gave this post a cursory glance, I gave it power.

Part of my anger was the implication that somehow my child is less-than because of this one aspect of his life. He is somehow doomed to a life of illness and idiocy because he was able to be born at all. Why are children delivered via c-section fair game for such judgement? Will they start to study children conceived through IVF and scare their parents with stories of their fate?! Not likely. So disheartening that my child will have to forever be stigmatized because of how he was delivered. What a life!

After fuming and scrolling simultaneously, I started to scan the comments. Then I gave in. What I posted as my comment is below:

These articles are written like every woman has a choice. Like all c-sections are some selfish election by entitled mothers. They are not. They are often a concessions after all other interventions did not work. For those of us who just want the opportunity for our children to come into this world ALIVE and as safe as possible. People elect all kinds of interventions to get pregnant and we praise that. But as soon as we sacrifice our bodies for them to be born, by being sawed in half, only for the chance to enjoy that life, we are chastised, talked down to, and disrespected. So sick of it and these bullshit articles that try to make correlation and causation. Fuck off! My kid is the healthiest I know.

So that’s my rant. That’s my beef. I move through most days without this burden affecting me but some days, I just gotta say STFU to the mommy wars. Enjoy your babies and know that parenting is not a competition. So much of life is out of our control. Judgement serves no purpose and advances no cause. Focus on you and your own and view fellow mommies as commrades rather than competitors. We’re all in the trenches together doing the dirty work. Cheers to us all!

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Mommy Guilt: The Pacifier

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This pacifier is going to be my ruin. I can’t, for the life of me figure out how to take it away from my son.

He’s only 1 1/2 but many would say that we should have already taken it away. While some give their kids until 3 or 4, possibly sending them off to preschool with a soothie.

I want to just throw them all in the trash. But they are addicting. Not just for Gabriel, but also for us. They are a quick fix. Any sign of fussing is easily defused by it. What can compete with that?! Nothing!

I tell myself every day that I am strong enough to just go cold turkey. Then I see his frantic searching for it. He knows where it is in his diaper bag. He’s a smart cookie.

Then I picture bedtime. It would be like sleep training all over again. Crying and soothing. Back and forth. But no pacifier to help. I picture an endless night of crying.

What’s a mama to do?

The Great Debate

It’s the question that everyone asks and the conversation my husband and I have on a near daily basis….

When to have baby #2.

For many the answer it cut and dry. Just start now. Why not? What are you waiting for?

For me, there are so many considerations. There is my health. My husband’s health. Our financial situation.  Our living situation. The fact that I am in school. The fact that I am in a more demanding job that I started fairly recently. And of course, as with any person making excuses, the list goes on.

Some say there will never be a right time. Part of me believes this and wants to just go for it. Then, my logic kicks and I start calculating and analyzing. Everything seems like sunshine and roses when the possibility is ahead of you. When I’m in the midst of my pregnancy, I might start wondering why I rushed into it. Who says that two years is the perfect spacing between children? I would dare to say that three to four years is just as good!

For now, I want to finish out 2013 with no more big surprises. We have had health scares, daycare drama, and good news to balance out the bad. But I truly believe I have had enough change to last me the rest of the year. I want to start 2014 fresh and ready for the blessings and challenges ahead. Will that mean another baby? Perhaps. I would like to think that it will be that easy. But as life has shown me over the past few years, just when you think things are just as they should be, life gets in the way.

This sweet boy we have is a blessing on his own. While another little one would only add to our joy and fill our hearts more, I will not for one moment think that we need more kids to be complete. We are complete as is. With the family we have now. If we are afforded the opportunity to add to that in the future, then so be it.

And the debate rages on….

This Kind of Love

“This kind of love it’s what I dreamed about
Yeah it fills me up
Baby it leaves no doubt
This kind of love it’s why I’m standing here
It’s something that we can share
I can’t enough of this kind of love”

~ Sister Hazel

This is the song that my husband and I danced to at our wedding. It’s our song.

Little did I know that a few years later, it would be the perfect song to describe how much I love my son. As I was rocking him tonight, I was overcome with emotion. It happens often. I feel so lucky, so blessed, so special to have the opportunity to not only to be a mother, but to be his mother.

Four Months of Perfection

When Will and I first got married, I used to picture what our children would look like. To be honest, I mostly pictured us having a daughter, but once I got pregnant and found out I was having a boy, all I could do was try and imagine what he might look like. I used to joke that we would have ourselves a chubby little baby, with big brown eyes, and big lips. I must say that I wasn’t far off. Our son has the most amazing eyes that I could stare into all day. I never knew that brown eyes could be so gorgeous. Being its the most common eye color, and having them myself, I never really thought much of them, but this kid knows how to make them shine.

I’m so proud to be his mama. I know it’s only been four months but every day I fall more in love with him and with being a mom. It truly makes you appreciate the small things in life, like making silly faces just to see him smile.

As a first-time mom, you worry about every milestone but I think I have learned to cherish the moments we have right now. It won’t be long before he is rolling off of things, crawling into trouble, and chasing after the cats. He will not be my little boy forever. So while I want him to grow and learn everyday, I really do appreciate how this time will pass in the blink of an eye.

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Nights Like These…

It’s nights like these that make me remember why I wanted to to become a mother. We discovered the baby G loves the bath tub! It has been a long road from the first bath that was all crying and screaming to tonight that was all kicking, splashing and smiles. It makes me want to take him swimming so badly this summer! I am hoping tonight will be the beginning of a wonderful bedtime routine 🙂