I feel like I tend to stay pretty positive on this blog. That’s me talking like I post all that often…yeah, so there’s that. But when I do post I try to stay honest, and for the most part grateful.
The truth is, I am extremely grateful. Probably the thing I am most grateful for is a happy and (mostly) healthy child. On the whole, he gets sick much less that most kids, I believe. One of the perks of staying home. He’s battling bronchitis and some tummy issues these days, so it is not all sunshine and roses.
But I know that I have a lot. Namely, I know that without medical interventions, my child and I might not be here.
Recently, I read a post on a Facebook page that triggered something in me. It is something that I feel often but that I try let go because I know that is is a losing battle in many ways. The truth is that is shame.
Gabriel was born via c-section and if you are familiar with the “mommy wars” you will know that one of the Cardinal sins you cannot commit is delivering your baby via c-section.
What this post triggered is the thought that those who delivered vaginally…normally…properly…were superior. And that all women that have c-sections have the option. It is some elective surgery that we cruise into the hospital for and breeze through. So much nonsense.
I often scroll past these mommy war posts. Not giving them the time of day or the power. But because I clicked, and gave this post a cursory glance, I gave it power.
Part of my anger was the implication that somehow my child is less-than because of this one aspect of his life. He is somehow doomed to a life of illness and idiocy because he was able to be born at all. Why are children delivered via c-section fair game for such judgement? Will they start to study children conceived through IVF and scare their parents with stories of their fate?! Not likely. So disheartening that my child will have to forever be stigmatized because of how he was delivered. What a life!
After fuming and scrolling simultaneously, I started to scan the comments. Then I gave in. What I posted as my comment is below:
These articles are written like every woman has a choice. Like all c-sections are some selfish election by entitled mothers. They are not. They are often a concessions after all other interventions did not work. For those of us who just want the opportunity for our children to come into this world ALIVE and as safe as possible. People elect all kinds of interventions to get pregnant and we praise that. But as soon as we sacrifice our bodies for them to be born, by being sawed in half, only for the chance to enjoy that life, we are chastised, talked down to, and disrespected. So sick of it and these bullshit articles that try to make correlation and causation. Fuck off! My kid is the healthiest I know.
So that’s my rant. That’s my beef. I move through most days without this burden affecting me but some days, I just gotta say STFU to the mommy wars. Enjoy your babies and know that parenting is not a competition. So much of life is out of our control. Judgement serves no purpose and advances no cause. Focus on you and your own and view fellow mommies as commrades rather than competitors. We’re all in the trenches together doing the dirty work. Cheers to us all!