Mama Rant

I feel like I tend to stay pretty positive on this blog. That’s me talking like I post all that often…yeah, so there’s that. But when I do post I try to stay honest, and for the most part grateful.

The truth is, I am extremely grateful. Probably the thing I am most grateful for is a happy and (mostly) healthy child. On the whole, he gets sick much less that most kids, I believe. One of the perks of staying home. He’s battling bronchitis and some tummy issues these days, so it is not all sunshine and roses.

But I know that I have a lot. Namely, I know that without medical interventions, my child and I might not be here.

Recently, I read a post on a Facebook page that triggered something in me. It is something that I feel often but that I try let go because I know that is is a losing battle in many ways. The truth is that is shame.

Gabriel was born via c-section and if you are familiar with the “mommy wars” you will know that one of the Cardinal sins you cannot commit is delivering your baby via c-section.

What this post triggered is the thought that those who delivered vaginally…normally…properly…were superior. And that all women that have c-sections have the option. It is some elective surgery that we cruise into the hospital for and breeze through. So much nonsense.

I often scroll past these mommy war posts. Not giving them the time of day or the power. But because I clicked, and gave this post a cursory glance, I gave it power.

Part of my anger was the implication that somehow my child is less-than because of this one aspect of his life. He is somehow doomed to a life of illness and idiocy because he was able to be born at all. Why are children delivered via c-section fair game for such judgement? Will they start to study children conceived through IVF and scare their parents with stories of their fate?! Not likely. So disheartening that my child will have to forever be stigmatized because of how he was delivered. What a life!

After fuming and scrolling simultaneously, I started to scan the comments. Then I gave in. What I posted as my comment is below:

These articles are written like every woman has a choice. Like all c-sections are some selfish election by entitled mothers. They are not. They are often a concessions after all other interventions did not work. For those of us who just want the opportunity for our children to come into this world ALIVE and as safe as possible. People elect all kinds of interventions to get pregnant and we praise that. But as soon as we sacrifice our bodies for them to be born, by being sawed in half, only for the chance to enjoy that life, we are chastised, talked down to, and disrespected. So sick of it and these bullshit articles that try to make correlation and causation. Fuck off! My kid is the healthiest I know.

So that’s my rant. That’s my beef. I move through most days without this burden affecting me but some days, I just gotta say STFU to the mommy wars. Enjoy your babies and know that parenting is not a competition. So much of life is out of our control. Judgement serves no purpose and advances no cause. Focus on you and your own and view fellow mommies as commrades rather than competitors. We’re all in the trenches together doing the dirty work. Cheers to us all!

FGG Week 1

So, I just finished up my first week of the Fit Girl’s Guide 28-Day Jumpstart. The best way to describe this week was a struggle.

My meal prep got off to a rocky start and I was never really able to regain my footing. I am used to prepping for a few days worth of lunches on Sunday evening, but prepping for three full meals per day was serious. I put off some of the prep and thus was scrambling to put together dinners each day of the week. Snacks were overlooked and I often went off the rails.

Needless to say this committment to clean eating thing is hard work. I think I took it lightly because I had a “guide” to follow. For whatever reason, my thinking has been, as long as I know what to make I’ll just do it. Not so fast…I had three meals spelled out for me but the hard part was the cutting, sauteing, mixing, and cooking for each meal…Perhaps other ladies starting this journey are more skilled in the kitchen but I felt like I was floundering.

Add to that my schedule. This was the last week of classes at work. Being new to this position still, I feel a good amount of pressure right now because I am still learning. Then throw in my master’s program, top with family (arguing with a three year old is no joke!) and you have a recipe for exhaustion.

The exercise portion of this program? Almost non-existent. Drinking enough water? Yeah, no.

For a status update, I will not call this week a loss. I think the majority of what I was ate was better than I normally eat. I increased my whole food intake substantially; barely anyting processed. I made a conscious effort to drink more water and that is steadily increasing, though still not optimal. I cooked for myself healthy, virtually salt-free meals. I exercised. I was conscous of everything I ate. I’ll give myself a passing grade (C) but I won’t say I high acheiving.

While I cannot say that this first week was “successful,” I will say that it was a step in the right direction with the necessity for improvement. This program does not focus on perfection. Nevertheless, self-control and awareness are needed for me to make changes.

On to week 2! I’ve already started my grocery list and know in my mind that I will need to give myself more time and energy toward my food. Wish me luck!

P.S. – Here’s  a look back at some of the things I did well this week 😉

Thankful

Per usual, I’ve been remiss in updating my blog with the goings-on in my life. I will say that things have been exciting for sure. Since today is Thanksgiving, in addition to reviewing what I’ve been up to, I’d also … Continue reading

Lost in Emotion

I have spent much of my life aware of my lack of emotional attachment. In reality, I was a terribly emotional and clingy child. But just like everyone else, there are events that change you in life. I can’t pinpoint what shut it down, or when it happened, but my detachment really peaked in my mid-twenties.

Enter motherhood. Nothing could have prepared me for the “feelings” that motherhood would bring to the surface of my being. It started in a hormonal way while I was pregnant, which is perfectly natural. But it is what happened post-pregnancy that has surprised me the most. The first six weeks postpartum are a grab-bag of emotions. Basically, on any day you will start crying at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason other than you become overwhelmed with the fact that you are a mother…I guess?? To this day, I couldn’t tell you why.

Flash forward to almost three years in. The things that get my emotions going are anything to do with parenthood. Today, I had one of those moments that I am certain pre-parenthood I wouldn’t have given much thought to after the fact. I was shopping at Lady Footlocker for a pair of running/exercise shoes because it has literally been like 10 years since I have bought a legit pair. There was a good amount of time that I was somewhat oblivious to the scene but after trying on some shoes with my back to the store, I turn around to see it is almost empty. The two store employees are standing there with a small family. An older woman is speaking Spanish to one of the employees and seems very distressed. Then a younger women comes in almost hysterical, speaking Spanish as well. They run out of the store. I get that something bad has happened but wonder if maybe her purse has gone missing, so I ask, “did they lose a purse or a person?” Apparently they lost her two-year old son in the mall. After seeing their faces, my heart sinks. I think of my own son, around the same age, off in another part of the mall with my husband.

I run out of the store because I don’t know what to do. But continuing to shop feels wrong. I call my husband. He found a lost boy in a store once. We both are keenly aware when we see unattended children. We figure if we can get to them first, some other creeper can’t in the meantime. But I digress. He is only a few stores away. I tell him the story and that if he sees a little boy, lead him back this way. One of the highlights of this story is how the customers in the store and even nearby banded together to look for this boy. They consoled his distraught family and ultimately, some girls from the store found him at the other end of the mall. For some reason this overwhelmed me. I started crying. For even that short amount of time, I couldn’t imagine how that must have felt. I saw myself in that mother and I had to do something because that is what any parent would want. Honestly, I thought the worst, which is that someone took him. I suppose my relief overcame me, when not only was he found but he has just wondered a little too far. I hugged her and told her how lucky she was!

I don’t know what my younger, childless would have done in the scenario. With any tragedy or sad story that involves children and families though, I hug my little a bit tighter. It can all be gone in the blink of an eye. Everyday that he us with is a gift and I have to recognize the big and small moments alike. I sit here, still emotionally shaken up because, while I relate because of the age proximity of our children, I couldn’t place myself in her shoes for one second without getting upset thinking about it.

That boy and his family will have a story to tell for a long time. And luckily for them, the story will have a happy ending.

10 Types Of Moms That Suck

I’ve missed you all dearly. But more importantly, I have stumbled upon a hilarious blog post that I couldn’t stop laughing at and had to share. Reading this reminded me of so many internal battles I fight with myself and feeling “less than” when it comes to other moms. The problem is everyone tries to be super mom when friends and family are around. At home, when no one is watching, your kids eat junk, you laugh at their swearing, and put them down for a nap early so that you can keep from killing them. It’s okay, mama, I know the struggle too. Just do what is best for you and yours. ❤

Thought Catalog

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I’m not sure if you knew, but I’m pretty much the best, most perfectest mom ever in the history of ever. I don’t need to tell you that’s sarcasm, right internet? Maybe? Eh. Is this satire now? I feel like I used to know what that was but I think I lost it somewhere along the way during my Wild Adventures in Blogging. People seem to have created this new, vague definition. Anyway, back to my perfection.

1. Language Police Mom

Firstly, that sounds like an awesome name for some sort of knockoff Barbie doll; you know the kind made of the same plastic they use for those KoolAid bottle-things that your cheap Aunt used to buy for you years after you’d stopped playing with dolls? Complete with police uniform, perfectly curled hair and a baby under each arm.  

Secondly, I appreciate it when people curb their language…

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Our Good Luck Charm

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Getting to meet my son for the first time

 

Happy two years to my precious, sweet, perfect baby boy! Gabriel joined our family on March 17, 2012. I spent the majority of my pregnancy hoping and praying that he would not be born on St. Patrick’s Day. I wanted my little man to have his very own special day. Now, two years later, I realize he has enough personality to conquer any holiday. 

I still marvel at how much he has grown, changed, and changed me as a person. I can no longer just be a wife or a woman, I am a mother, and that is a title that is very special to me. Special because of him. He makes it so easy. I have always struggled to relate to children, to be good with kids. With this little guy, it is as easy as breathing. He’s magnetic and the ray of sunshine in my sometimes gloomy days. If I ever doubt myself, I just have to look at him to know I can make it through anything and everything, because I am his example. He relies on me and I get my strength from him.

Sorry to get all gushy (not really) but no feeling of love has ever come as easily to me as being a mother to my son. Happy second birthday Gabriel. I love you to the moon and back! XOXO

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My favorite face in the world

 

This Kind of Love

“This kind of love it’s what I dreamed about
Yeah it fills me up
Baby it leaves no doubt
This kind of love it’s why I’m standing here
It’s something that we can share
I can’t enough of this kind of love”

~ Sister Hazel

This is the song that my husband and I danced to at our wedding. It’s our song.

Little did I know that a few years later, it would be the perfect song to describe how much I love my son. As I was rocking him tonight, I was overcome with emotion. It happens often. I feel so lucky, so blessed, so special to have the opportunity to not only to be a mother, but to be his mother.